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A suburban girl transplanting to the big ole NY countryside. Married to my soul mate, step mom to a pre-teen boy, survivor of a miscarriage...and struggling to get pregnant again. These our my thoughts, my dreams, and my struggles, so fasten your seat belts, it's sure to be a bumpy ride.PICTURE THIS

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trying to heal...

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

I added this song/video in my sidebar because it reminds me of Ian. Every word....this is how Ian treats me, how much he loves me. It's as if he's saying these words to me everyday.
Writing right now is so emotional. Everything is so emotional. One minute I feel fine, like I am coping like a pro then the next I just break into tears. I thank god for my family and friends and all of the support you all have continued to give.
I feel that there is so much anger in our hearts right now. I hate that feeling.
Angry at God
Angry at women with unwanted pregnancies
Angry at unfit parents
Angry that it had to be us
Angry at the situation
Angry that anyone has to go through this
Angry that the doctors couldn't do anything to stop it
Angry that there's nothing anyone can say to make it better
Angry that everything anyone says seems to somehow make it worse
Angry that people have to feel sorry for us
Angry that we have to feel sorry for our selves
Angry that our next pregnancy will be that much scarier
Angry for being so angry

I think honestly that Ian is more angy than me, Ia m just more sad. I hate being sad, so does he...that's why he's angry too.

That's it for today. I go to the doctor tomorrow...I guess to make sure that the miscarraige went ok....how can anything about that be ok? I don't know...I'll try to write again tomorrow.
Please don't take this post the wrong way, all of you comments love and support are still very much appreciated, it's just hard all around.

Kari daydreamed @ 1:56 PM
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