What do I say?

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Ok, what are you supposed to do when everyone at work knows that you are pregnant then you're out for a week and a half because you had a miscarraige and no one at work has caught on? Obviously my bosses know, but they didn't tell anyone at work...Ian says it's not really there place to say, I guess that's right but damn this is hard! It's been almost a week now that I've been back to work and there has yet to be a day that I've made it through with out crying! I have to struggle through the day,telling at least one person, usually about 2 a day, sometimes more, that I had a miscarraige. Of course this is only after they have already made some stupid comment, "So your not on bed-rest, that's a good sign...", Yeah, when that baby comes out you're gonna....", "So, Kari are you feeling any more motherly lately?" "How's that belly...not much there yet huh."
AHHHHHHH! Don't talk to me! Don't touch my empty belly! Leave me alone!
Then not only do I have to deal with the stupid comments (which don't get me wrong, under better circumstances, would be fine) But then I have to tell them that I had a miscarraige and then see the look in thier eye when they feel like a complete ASS and immediatley feel sorry for me. I hate that! I'm trying my hardest to fight back the tears and they just stand there feeling like a complete ass, and staring at me. This sucks!!! I absolutely HATE going to work everyday. Unless you have a story where you've been through this too, there is nothing you can say to me, in person, about the miscarraige that won't make me cry... just say I'm sorry and leave it at that or better yet nothing at all. Ian is the only one I can really talk to about it without crying. I think it's the fact that he went through it with me, and he felt all the things I felt as I was feeling them, it makes it easier to handle for me, he's just easy for me to talk to.

Anyway, I just needed to vent a little about how much everyday back-to-normal life sucks right now. What's the proper "Returning to work after a miscarraige etiquette?" Is there something I'm missing? Should I hang a sign around my neck? "I had a miscarraige and DON'T want to talk about it" What am I supposed to do to get everyone to know, and stop saying stupid things? I can't talk about it, my voice shakes horribly when I hve to tell just that one person who just asked how things are going....Hopefully, the gossipers who know by now will spread the word. We'll see what tomorrow brings, I'lll grab the tissues just in case...

Kari daydreamed @ 7:19 PM
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