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A suburban girl transplanting to the big ole NY countryside. Married to my soul mate, step mom to a pre-teen boy, survivor of a miscarriage...and struggling to get pregnant again. These our my thoughts, my dreams, and my struggles, so fasten your seat belts, it's sure to be a bumpy ride.PICTURE THIS

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Scared

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Is it normal to be completely terrified of what you so desparatly want? I try not to talk about it because everyone tells me to stop worrying because I'll make it worse or make it not happen. Truth is, I want a baby more than anything right now. (Well maybe not more than moving back home, I guess they're on about the same level) Now I'm terrified because I test again the first week in January and then...if I am, I leave for Florida with the girls on the 13th. So, what if it happens again? What if everything is good before I leave and then while I'm there the cramping and spotting start? I know that I could not deal with that with out Ian there. I know that I would absolutely lose it. Completely. I'm in tears just thinking about it. What if?

I pretty sure that I won't have to worry about it, because I probably won't be pregnant since my body is still so screwed up, and my cycles are all confused.

I guess for now I just wait...and pray, and continue to try and relax my self and "not worry" as everyone is telling me to do...

Kari daydreamed @ 9:25 PM
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