A suburban girl transplanting to the big ole NY countryside. Married to my soul mate, step mom to a pre-teen boy, survivor of a miscarriage...and struggling to get pregnant again. These our my thoughts, my dreams, and my struggles, so fasten your seat belts, it's sure to be a bumpy ride.PICTURE THIS

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Help me Please!

Saturday, June 25, 2005

Everyday is now filled with overwhelming thoughts of "Where is this baby going to go?" My computer room is going to be the babies room, but right now it is so full of my crap that I don't even know where to begin. I tried to clean it out a little today and it didn't go so well, the closet is still jam packed with crap! I threw out 1 trash bag worth of stuff (good for me). Why do I have such an attachment to everything I've ever owned? Why can't I just through it out?
It kills me that everyday off I have (on the weekends with Scott) my whole day is consumed by trying to clean things out. Why can't I be more like Ian? He and Scott were off yesterday and they went jet-skiing and played outside and had lunch cooked outside. Not that Ian isn't helping with the house work because he does, it's just that he is limited to what he can do. Not for any other reason than that I am a complete freak! He is really limited to the dishes, some laundry ( I'm a freak about how that is done too, he has to do it my way) sweeping/vaccuming and taking out the trash(this is pretty much all I will let him do). I think that Ian knows that if he were to go into my computer room and start getting rid of things and throughing out old junk that I would probably have a nervous breakdown and be completely pissed at him. God, how does he put up with my insanity?
I just wish that someone could tell me what I should keep and what to get rid of. I keep everything, I feel that someday I'll what to show our child these things or that I might just need this sometime, like all of our bill statements for the past 3 years...why would I need that? I don't know I just feel I might. Every card that I got from my bridal shower, and of course from our wedding...I keep it ALL people.
Then of course there is the stuff that I would have no probalem getting rid of but it seems like it's brand new so I don't want to just through it out. We really need to have a garage sale, the problem there is that our driveway is like a stinkin' cliff to get down. There is no way anyone would stop at our house to look at our junk. They can't even park on the street and hike on down because there is no real side of the road and we live on a turn in the road so you can't really see what's coming.

I really want to move!!!! But then the question is, do I pack up all this junk and bring it with us to sell at a new house with a garage sale able driveway or do I just toss it now and cut our losses? I need your help people! well any help would do...
Back to fighting with myself...aka cleaning

Kari daydreamed @ 2:15 PM
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Busy, Busy, Busy

Friday, June 24, 2005

I've realized that I say "so" alot in my posts and I'm going to make an effort not to say it so much. Every post I start I want to start with "So," this one included and I'm not gonna do it!
Yesterday was a very busy day, I worked from 6am to 3pm and has to drive home on lunch to let the puppies out to play and eat. They're not house broken, since they are only 6 weeks old, and my lunch break consists of what I like to call "Poopy Patrol" Yuck! Doesn't that sound like an appetizing lunch. The good news is it doesn't really phaze me anymore, which is probably good practice for when the baby comes. The only down side is that my hands are constantlty dried out because I'm washing them every 2 minutes, between pups and lunch.
So after work I drove to NY to pick up Scotty, it was his last day of school! Yippee! Let the summer begin! So (there is it is again...2 sentences in a row...I can't stop myself, I'm a compulsive so'er) while taking to 3 1/2 hour drive to NY I have to stop 3 times to pee!!! What is up with that? Peeing is so annoying, especially when you have a long drive ahead of you. I stopped in Springfield, MA for one of the pee breaks and I got lost, drove in a circle 3 times before I finally figured out how to get back on the highway, UUGGH. Then when I finally get to Scott's we now have another 3 1/2 hour ride home. We stopped for dinner and didn't get home until 11pm...Long Day!

Today wasn't much better. Again I worked 6am to 3pm. Ian was off today so he and Scott went Jet-Skiing...poor me. When I got out of work I got on the highway, the one I almost never take home, but felt today for some reason that it would be faster. Boy was I wrong! After sitting in traffic for an hour and fifteen minutes I finally made it to a U turn and aturned around, the highway had been closed in both directions due to an accident. While stuck in the traffic I start to panic because, yet again, I have to pee! All the cars are stopped and people are getting out of their cars and talking, walking around, sitting on their roofs! It was rediculous, and here I am trying to figure out how long I can hold out before I wet myself. Anyway, after my 25 minute rife turned into a 2 1/2 hour event I will be happy to not get in another car for the rest of the weekend!

That's all my ranting for now, I'm exhausted and I'm going to go eat and lounge aroud for the night. Thanks for listening!

Kari daydreamed @ 5:57 PM
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Change

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Nothing much going on today, just sitting at home playing with the puppies. I got a call from the doctors office again last night and my July 14th ultrasound has been changed again to July 8th. But everyhting is still on for next Tuesday as well. With all these ultrasounds so early I don't know how I'm going to last all the way to 20 weeks with out another one after the 8th.
Ian is very excited and extremely supportive. He will be there on Tuesday to see the heart beat for the first time with me. He is also convinced that he will be able to tell the gender of the baby by the July 8th appointment. Good luck E!
For now it's back to what names have you pick out? and do you want a boy or a girl? a girl right?
I swear I must get asked this at least 10 times a day. I don't care what it is I would like both a boy or a girl. I think the poll right now is leaning toward more votes for a girl, but I honestly will be happy either way. Ian wants a boy, all guys want boys...although he's already made comments about saving for "her" wedding IF it happens to be a girl, so I think he's kind of torn. I think he would like either one. We just want a healthy baby.
I had a feeling last week that it is going to be a boy, so we'll see how well the maternal instincts are working at this stage, and if my feelings change throughout the pregnancy.

Kari daydreamed @ 11:09 AM
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Dr. Visit #1

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

So, I thought that doctor visits were supposed to clear things up for you. I think today just made it more confusing, well not confusing but questionable. I went to the doctor and we did all the questionaires and then I told the nurse about the episode on Saturday and she decided we should tell the doctor and see what he says. The doctor decided that he wanted to do an internal ultrasound to see what was going on and if everything was ok. So before the ultrasound he explained to me what we may or may not see, just to be aware. In we go....it was exciting and very scary all at the same time. We saw the little bean, but that's all it was a bean...you couldn't see anything it was just a circle. So now the doctor can't tell anyhting from that so we go back next week for another internal to see if we have a heartbeat. If there's no heartbeat then it could be the begining stages of a miscarrage and we will have to deal with those issues when we get there. So everyone please pray for the bean to get a heartbeat this week. The baby is in our thoughts and prayers every minute of everyday, please help us pray.
Another issue could have been that my blood was Rh negative, meaning I don't have any protiens on my red blood cells. In that case if the baby was Rh positive and it's blood got mixed with mine, my body would create antibodies and try to fight off the baby. So then it was down to the lab for bloodwork. Wait...wait....wait...I just called the doctor's officce and got my bloodwork results and I'm O+ so no Rh issues to worry about. If I was Rh - then they would have had to give me a shot and as long as my body hadn't already started producing antibodies, we would have been ok. But know we're in the clear and don't have to worry about blood issues.
So let's hope all goes well and the baby continues to develop normally and we can see an evidant heartbeat next Tuesday.
Keep us in your prayers.....

Kari daydreamed @ 1:24 PM
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Belly shot @ the boodle hole 

Kari daydreamed @ 1:24 PM
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Catch up

Monday, June 20, 2005

So, it's been a few days, let me get you caught up.

Saturday was my first official, over the top freak out. Doctors called and all. I woke up Saturday morning and had more spotting, but this time it was a little different. There was a little bit of blood. Other than the spotting I felt fine but I totally freaked out, almost hypervenalated and everything. I swear people if Ian make it through this pregnancy with out losing his mind right along with me, it will be a miracle! Thank god for Ian, I can only imagine what I would have done if this had happened and he wasn't home...can you say 911! Ok so I start freaking out going crazy because it is also Saturday and the doctor's office is closed on Saturday. I call the office anyway and they take my name and number and say the on-call Dr. will call me back. So I wait....the receptionist calls back and connects me with the doctor on-call. The doctor says hello and it sound like she is a million miles away in a tin can! I can't hear a thing so I keep saying "hello?...I can't hear you....excuse me?....I can barly hear you!!" So then the doctor starts screaming into the phone(still I can just hear what she is saying) So I tell her what is going on and she says "Well, it could be a miscarage or it could be nothing. You can go to the emergency room if you want." Just like that!!! So now I am crying histerically, there wasn't an ounce of sympathy in this woman's voice, I was devastated. Now Ian is trying to consol me and help me through the crying fit I'm throwing. He asked me what I thought and I said I wasn't sure. I felt pretty normal I just wanted to know why I had the blood spotting. I calmed down enough to take a shower and there was no more spotting after the first episode so I decided we should all go to work and I will take it extra easy and see how it goes. I had a little more spotting but it was the brownish stuff that is supposed to be normal, and by noon everything was back on track. 100% normal again.

So that was Saturday. Sunday was a great day! No issues with the pregnancy just happy ol' me. Ian and I drove up to NY to pick up Scott to spend Father's Day together and it was great! We went back on the trails behind Ian's parents house to the "Boodle Hole" which is a stream with a waterfall and a swim hole that is probably one of the most beautiful places on the planet. We carved Scott's initails in the sign-in tree and Ian went swimming in the freezing cold water. It was sooo much fun, I love it back there. Then we went back to Ian's parents house and Ian's dad, Ian and Scott raced around on the atv's and mini bike all day. They had a blast! It was so amazing to see 3 generations playing together. It was a great father's day treat.

And now today, pretty much just cleaning all day. One of the puppies went to stay with it's new owner for the week, since she is on vacation this week, they are starting to bond. So now we're down to just 2. They go to the vet next Wednesday to get all their shots and then they start to go to their new families. Ian and I bought a "What to expect when you're expecting Calandar" It's really cool, you fill out the dates starting with the first day of your last cycle and it goes week by week through your pregnancy and you fill it out as you go. There's even spots to put your belly shots each trimester. I love it! So I worked on that for a while this morning, then filled out paper work for my doctor's appointment tomorrow. My 1st ultrasound has changed from July 5th to the 14th. The 5th was just going to be too hard to make after the long holiday weekend so the 14th will be better for all of us. They said I could wait until the 20th but I really don't think I could. It's going to be hard enough to wait for the 14th!!

Well I guess that's it for tonight. I'll try to post again tomorrow after the doctor's visit.

Kari daydreamed @ 11:58 PM
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